Motherhood Unfiltered
Okay so you are pregnant. Now what? Did you know that there is a whole side of pregnancy and motherhood that nobody talks about? Its true. Our society pretends that pregnancy and motherhood are this glamorous journey. Moms think that they will walk into the hospital at 11 am (obviously in full makeup and the most adorable outfit) and deliver this rosy plump baby (that will take the most beautiful pictures and never cry). The truth is you will probably waddle into the hospital at 10 pm(in old gym clothes and no makeup); that baby you deliver will be perfect for you (but will most likely spit up when you take a picture and cry when you try to sleep). Motherhood is beautiful, but it is not picture perfect.
Lets dive into some of the common questions I have gotten since I had my first son. I was the first of my friends to have a child, and that meant that I didn’t really have another close mom to ask all of these slightly embarrassing (but normal) questions. Please note that these are my personal experiences and opinions; I always recommend following your OBGYN and Pediatricians advice.
Question #1: What do you do when you leave the hospital?
Sounds simple right? You just had a baby and now you are home settling in, but what do you actually do? Where does the baby sleep? When do you feed them? How often do you change their diaper? What do they wear to bed? Wow. Why didn’t these tiny babies come with an instruction manual. No seriously, I could really still use a manual. When you come home from the hospital you have one goal. Keep the baby alive. Yes I said it, you need to focus on the basics first. You don’t learn to run before you walk (unless you are my toddler) and you can’t learn to swaddle before you learn how to feed your baby. Start slow and ask questions. That first night home is hard. The baby decides it’s not going to sleep, your exhaustion from the 48 hours in the hospital catches up with you, and your husband sleeps like a rock. Focus on each item one at a time. Feed your baby, change your baby, let your baby sleep, and then do it again. Once you have that managed add in something else, maybe something for yourself. Take a shower, drink a cup of coffee, eat a whole cake. Do something for yourself. Start that self care the day you get home from the hospital and make it a goal to do something for yourself each day.
Question #2: What is going on with my newborn?
I hate to break it to you, but I don’t have the answer to this one. I will tell you this: your baby may be different, but it is still normal. Do you have a baby that sleeps through the night from day one? Normal. Do you have a baby that cries for hours? Normal. Do you have a baby that spits up a lot every feeding? Normal. Does your daughter have bloody discharge after birth? Normal. Do you have a baby that hates the car seat? Normal. Do you have a baby that is in the first percentile? Normal. Do you have a baby that blows out of every diaper? Normal.
I am here to tell you that when we compare our child to someone else it might feel like your baby is not normal. That couldn’t be less true. Every baby is different and they have personalities to prove it. My two sons are completely opposite of each other. My first son came home just over 5 lbs and was growing right along the curve, he slept 4 hour stretches from the beginning and refused to breastfeed. My two month old was born at 5 lbs as well (I guess I make small babies) and he is still in the first percentile, he wakes up every 1.5-2 hours at night and he refuses to take a bottle. Now I will say that most of the time that we ask the question: is this normal? The answer is probably YES! However, did you know that pediatricians offer an after hours line? If you are ever unsure of a situation call your pediatrician. I promise you a million times over they would rather you call and have it be nothing.
Question #3: Pregnancy?
Okay so you’re pregnant, now what? First go ahead and call your OBGYN; the good news is that they usually offer an educational visit within the first trimester. Make a list of all the medical questions you have and ask them (I’m not here for medical advice, but this is where those embarrassing questions start flowing in). Okay, so first thing I learned when pregnant: early movement feels like gas, yup I said it. People would ask me what the baby movements felt like, and it took me forever to find a description for it. The second time around those flutters kicked in and I knew that it wasn’t actually gas. The second feeling that I had to explain was braxton hicks. Some women are lucky and never have braxton hicks (practice contractions) I had them from 18 weeks on with both boys. This was also an odd feeling to me; I would feel my whole stomach tighten. It was uncomfortable, but never painful. The last odd thing that happened during pregnancy (that of course nobody told me) is my breasts started leaking. It was at about 27 weeks and in the middle of the night I woke up soaked through my top. What in the world was going on? Then it happened again, and pretty much continued until delivery. Guess what? That is normal! Its a sign that your colostrum is building up to feed that newborn when you deliver. The last thing about pregnancy I’ll tell you is that cervix checks hurt; I’m not going to sugar coat it here. Labor hurts, delivery hurts, and all those painful parts are beyond worth it.
Question #4: What happens postpartum?
Okay, I’m going to break this one down really good. Hang in there with me because this is where most parenting/pregnancy books drop the ball. I texted some of my girlfriends the other week and asked for some input. When you are recovering from labor and delivery it feels like you are the only one experiencing this. Our group text proved otherwise.
Postpartum truths:
You will cry for no reason. That is okay!
Take as many showers as you want, I took 3 in one day at the hospital.
Postpartum bleeding can last for weeks. Yup, its gross but its the truth.
You can ask the nurses in recovery to come back later.
Postpartum depression and anxiety are real, they are normal and it is okay to ask for help.
Engorgement hurts, but eventually your supply evens out.
The first bowel movement (Yes poop) after labor is not fun. Take a stool softener. Just do it.
Diapers are a new moms best friend (for yourself and your baby)
If you had a c section invest in some granny panties (comfort over cuteness)
Take the hospital supplies home: diapers, dermoplast, mesh underwear, ice packs, wipes, peri bottle.
It hurts when the nurses push on your stomach.
Breastfeeding/pumping causes contractions – and they hurt.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I repeat YOU ARE NOT ALONE
What are some things you wish you knew?